The Rhythm of Life

For the past one month, I've been looking at life from a different lens- a wider one. The journey has been more inward than outward. I am certain, this change in perspective has not been overnight. Rather, it's an ongoing process.

I might have found a rhythm to my life, that I both love and detest.

A few weeks ago I was asked by one of my students, 'If I always wanted to become a teacher?'. The question was probably born from the fact that my personality on my instagram account was a contrast from what I am in school. Needless to say, I cannot break into a dance in the school corridors because I love making reels and most definitely cannot talk about my #ootds with my students. Then I thought, I am probably being asked this because I may not be as good a teacher. But, I do have enough faith in my teaching capabilities and therefore, I ruled out the latter.

However, I didn't answer that question. I smirked and laughed it off. I could've immediately responded with a 'Yes' but I chose not to.

That's only because I've reached a point in my life where I might just lie to the other person, but I wouldn't lie to myself.

Becoming a teacher was my back-up plan. A plan, I was confident I'd never have to use. I was literally persuaded to puruse B.Ed because it's good to have a good Plan XYZ. I could say destiny had it's own plans but I'd rather say that, my Plan A wasn't as strong as I'd imagined it to be.

As a 21 year old I lacked self-belief. I didn't know if I would make for a good writer. I wasn't sure of taking a risk and pursuing a course in styling. I didn't even continue with my photography. Lastly, as any child from a middle class family I was asked to try my luck with civil services and I was certain that I couldn't crack it.

I was once told as a feedback to my blogs that my writing carries with it a tone of melancholy and that I think a lot. I was slightly offended by the former comment to be honest. It's then that I figured, words are mine of course but I wouldn't know what state of mind the reader is in so it could be a self-reflection of his own mind. As far as sadness is concerned, it's inevitable. It's the act of overcoming sadness each time that takes you closer to longer bouts of happiness.

Most definitely, I am not always beaming with joy when I am writing my blog but that's the whole point of it. It's a safe place for me where I can pen down my insecurities and in a way encourage everyone to make peace with theirs.

So, here I am pursuing what I like to call my Plan Z. A History teacher in a renowned school of this tiny city with a huge heart to accomodate people from all corners of the world, trying to break the stereotype that History is not just a godforbidden boring subject. This is going to take decades though because being fond of subjects that pertain to Humanities, is still discouraged. So, the parenting style hasn't changed as much, yet.

I am grateful for this job in which you need equal amounts of empathy and practicality. The only reason I am probably enjoying doing this is because, you can retain your heart & soul in a teaching profession. It's getting tougher by the day but if you persist you still can. It's both heartening and overwhelming to have, even if rarely, that one day when the students are invested in learning and they aren't just waiting for the bell to go. The intent is to have more such days more often.

However, that one question made me question all my life decisions. It made me realise that it takes courage to accept the rhythm of life which is very different from how you imagined it to be. Amidst all of this, if one thing has been persistent it's been the ability to be grateful. The sooner its inculcated the better.

So, when I wake up at 5.00am everyday, I am no longer grumpy (apart from certain days ofcourse), I am happy to have a purpose and meaning to life. I am gratified to have a job that is not just making me a calmer person, but also a better citizen.

However, if even one of my student's is reading this. I want them to know and I insist, that no matter what believe in yourself. If you're good at striking a conversation, or you're humorous, you're empathetic, you make the best coffee in the world, you are a true friend, you care about people and their feelings, you're bloody good at maths, science, geography or all of it, you're passionate about a sport; retain all of these qualities. Build on them. Let go off those fetters that make you doubt your abilities. Don't glorify goodness, appreciate and acknowledge it. Only self-belief can take you closer to your dreams. Don't let a few setbacks or heartbreaks question your own potential.